Season of Change by Marcia D.

Before going through “the change of life,” I was a very tolerant person.

njfklnvghjrklvnrf copyBut somewhere between screaming like a wild Banshee in the delivery room to my first hot flash, I became less tolerant. It didn’t happen all at once, but gradually, like the leaves in New England; I went from vibrant green to crusty brown. In my youth, I never understood the impatience and general crankiness of elderly people. Now that I am a card carrying AARP member, I have a license to be cantankerous. It doesn’t take much to spark my temper or tap dance on my last, sane nerve.

For instance:

It never used to bother me when people bought the newest gadget on the market. Back in the dinosaur days, that included microwaves, cordless phones and cassette tape players. Today, everyone HAS to own the latest technological wonder: iPhone, iPad….iBidet and i-Don’t-Care.

I have also become increasingly annoyed by people who feel compelled to update me daily on their latest exercise regimen/diet plan. I’m standing in line at the bakery and they’re all like, “Wow, I just lost 5 pounds!” and I’m thinking, “Butter cream or chocolate mocha frosting on those cupcakes?”

And what’s up with the fickle bladder in middle age? I used to be like a camel that could store fluids for days…but now this camel needs a colostomy bag.

I don’t have time for people with Type A personalities. When I was younger, I was accused of being one; I admired those powerful, aggressive people fighting for a cause. Now their passion exhausts me and I just don’t have patience for their soapbox drama. I’d rather be playing corn hole with a band of merry meerkats.

When I’m feeling particularly grumpy, the last thing I want to hear is how great your expensive, African safari was, how awesome your kid is at underwater basket weaving and how excited you are for buying that lucky, five million dollar lottery ticket.

Unless you’re feeling charitable enough to pay off my mortgage, I really don’t want to know how the planets aligned perfectly for you while I’m stuck in the crossfire of a meteor shower.

What disturbs me more than anything is menopausal fatigue. I used to be like the Energizer Bunny. I could simultaneously flip a pancake, nurse a baby, donate $100 to the penguin tuxedo fund and practice my Irish Riverdancing steps, all within five minutes. Now I’m yawning at 10:30 a.m. (and this is after two cups of coffee strong enough to invigorate the Walking Dead). All I want to do is hibernate under a quilt until somebody rings the dinner bell. I WAKE FOR STEAK!

I’ve hit my 50’s like the last person in a bounce house stuck in the corner crack with no one there to pull me out. Never fear, this cranky, Menopausal Mama will persevere!

Note:  Marcia writes the blog Menopausal Mother. To read her latest post, click HERE!



Filed under lost in suburbia stories, Uncategorized

35 responses to “Season of Change by Marcia D.

  1. WAIT! I am knocking on the door of my 40s and already feel much the same!! Oh noooooes!!

    Great post, Marcia!!

  2. This is so true!! I can relate to every single statement you wrote! Youth is wasted on the young!!

  3. I am a few days from 48 and though I’m not quite where you are I can feel the changes coming. Nice to know I’m not alone! Thanks for a great post!

  4. No patience for Type As! I hear ya sist-ah! The only thing muzzling my cantankerous is watching my 73 year old mom lose it on a regular basis. I will NEVER act like that … except I absolutely remember her saying that same thing about her own mother! There’s no escape!!

    • menopausalmother

      Exactly!! The stuff that comes out of my mouth is the same stuff my mother said…even though I SWORE I would never be like her.

  5. iBidet! Must check that out!! LOL!!

  6. Oh geez, I haven’t hit menopause yet, but i know I’m close. I think I might have had my first hot flash the other day. It all sounds “interesting” and at least now I’ll have an excuse to take a morning nap! Thanks for the laughs today!

    • menopausalmother

      Glad you liked the post. If your hot flashes are starting up, get ready to turn down the thermostat and watch the electric bill rise…unless you are lucky to live in a snowy region where you can just roll around in the fluffy white stuff to cool down. I live in the tropics…where every day is a hot flash day.

  7. Tera

    I am right there with ya!! I have grown less and less tolerant in general, but more so in the last couple of years! 50’s ain’t for sissys!!!

  8. I can relate to every word!

  9. loisaltermark

    OMG This is me! I’ve been perimenopausal for years, and have turned so intolerant. I love your line about changing like the New England leaves from vibrant green to crusty brown. Yes! Thank you for making me realize I’m not alone in this! I kind of feel a little greener already!

  10. I was FORCED into menopause through my surgery- so I came a crashin’ in it like a 30 year old on sedatives!! Although- I still punch and kick at times… fighting the good fight! Nearing 50- a few more years, so I am sure that I will be closer to naptime at 10:30 soon. 😉

    • menopausalmother

      That happened to my sister when she had a hysterectomy. It was brutal on her body–took her a year to get her hormones straightened out. As far as sleeping goes, I have become a night owl….but only because I now fall asleep in the middle of the day for an hour or so!

  11. Definitely *guilty* of grumpitude while driving, but I do ok so far otherwise. Ugh! Something to look forward to…NOT!

  12. dltolley

    I’m staring rather closely at my sixties. I’ll let you know how it goes . . .

    • menopausalmother

      I’m praying that you will give me hope that there is indeed a light at the end of the menopausal tunnel.

      • Lori Brogan

        There is NOT a light at the end of the tunnel….I have to take 20mg of Melatonin (time released to stay asleep for 7 hours, though it’s interrupted) and the doctor almost fell out of his chair…most people take about 5mg….haven’t gotten back to a good sleep since menopause and that even came late at 56…..

  13. There can be some crazy stormy days when you hit perimenopause and menopause due to those darn fluctuating hormones. If you find a great menopause specialist (check out my Menopause Doctor Directory) you can find hormone happiness and balance those moods, banish the hot flashes and get rid of the brain fog that can often come with the change.

    • menopausalmother

      Thank you for the heads up, Ellen! I have been hearing a lot lately about Ambren. If you have any info on that, PM me on Facebook. Thanks!

  14. I haven’t become intolerant (yet), but I have become very, very honest. I tell it like it is, in the nicest way possible. Even if there isn’t a very nice way.

    Fun read, menopausalmother!

  15. Welcome to the land of the living dead! lol With 60 coming up way to quickly, I’m already freaking out. Scary thing is the way I tend to sound like some grandfather spouting his wisdom and sorry humor at times (hey, not so sorry sometimes, okay? lol) My 20 minute naps have turned into four hour snore fests, and yes, I’m beginning to count the bathroom tiles for fun. Still, it’s somewhat better than the alternative, which isn’t getting younger, unfortunately! Funny stuff!

  16. I seem to live most of my life in the midst of a meteor shower and I don’t want to hear anything about other’s seemingly perfect life and I too have no energy – I used to be an energizer bunny too! Thanks for giving me a laugh for the day!

  17. I’ve got no problem getting old as long as I don’t become like my PARENTS from another planet. I can deal with the gray hair, the aching bones, the slow shuffle walk and many other things if I really have to BUT they say that sometimes all the things you hated in your parents, you then become just like them. NO WAY, that would be pure torture.

    Hold me down and inject me with this thing called the menopause, give me the weak bladder, give me the old age pensioner travel card – I’ll take it all, as long as I don’t end up like my parents.
    What a funny post MM.

  18. And here I am in my 60s looking at those of you in your 50s and thinking – I was that young once. Funny post as always 😉

  19. Oh my goodness, I cried hysterical tears through this. I am right there with ya sistah.. barely making it to naptime right after lunch 😉

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